i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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