I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
