You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
