jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
