You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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