I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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