I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
