Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
