even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
