Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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