you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My life is pants optional.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
