dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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