Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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