i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
