so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
