Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
