he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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