You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
