At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
