this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
