so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
