Jerry, you need to find god
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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