New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
