I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize