we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
