I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
