you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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