U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i out mim tonsoeep
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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