people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
