similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
