They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
