I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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