so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He has the fingertips of a God
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