does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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