It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
