Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
