I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
