i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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