he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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