She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
