he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
