Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
