You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
