I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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