My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The Olympian is in my bed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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