Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
