so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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