My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just threw up on my dentist
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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