You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
