i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
