I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
