Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
