thus making me awesome and them whores
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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