I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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