the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
