Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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