omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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