This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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