Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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