she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We're too hungover to prance.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
