i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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