In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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