im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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