my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There r osticjed everywhere
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
