hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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