Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
