If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
