Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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