SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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